


secret for the mad - Team Human Week 2019 Day 3

by Hiiraeth (V_eritas)



Series: CritRole Collection [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Discussion of mental health by people who Do Their Best but Aren't Therapists, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Male-Female Friendship, Mental Health Issues, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Resurrection, Team as Family, Temporary Character Death, crteamhumanweek2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:28:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21538264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/V_eritas/pseuds/Hiiraeth
Summary: Team Human Week - Day 3 - Betrayal - Found Family-------------Caleb’s gone away again. It happens sometimes. He’s not scared, exactly – it’s like an absence of feeling. Like he doesn’t really exist, like the clouds are back in his head. There’s a comfort to this nonexistence, to just not being himself for a little bit, and he thinks he might just stay here for a little bit longer.Caleb sits in his dome. His friends are there, by his side. They are smiling and talking. He cannot hear their voices, but they feel safe. He feels safe. This is good, so much better than clouds. Here he does not have parents to ache for. Here, there is no fire. There is never any fire. He sits, and sits, and breathes. This is fine. This is good. This is safe. This is –The blade, when it comes, tears through his sternum and out through his back.--Or,  Caleb fails his wisdom save mid-battle.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett & Caleb Widogast, The Mighty Nein & Caleb Widogast
Series: CritRole Collection [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1551961
Comments: 43
Kudos: 389
Collections: Team Human Week 2019





	secret for the mad - Team Human Week 2019 Day 3

**Author's Note:**

> Team Human Day Three // December 10th - _Found Family - Betrayal_
> 
> Inspired by this discussion: https://luckthebard.tumblr.com/post/189250133784/scholaroftrivia-luckthebard-kimabutch-replied
> 
> This isn't...quite what I set out to write, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.
> 
> Warnings for Beau’s potty mouth, temporary character death, fairly explicit injuries, and Caleb-levels of terrible coping mechanisms/attitudes to mental health. Also, lots of hurt/comfort.
> 
> PSA: I struggle with a mood disorder myself and have done for years, but it's not quite the same brand as Caleb's PTSD. I hope I did it, and the discussion surrounding it, justice. I'm always open to feedback. Seeing him heal has been one of the great joys of this year for me.

Beau’s staff swings through the air with pinpoint accuracy, and hits the zombie in the center of the skull. It gives away with a loud crack that echoes in the narrow tunnel and the zombie sinks to the floor. Beau turns towards the next zombie, and gives it a vicious grin she’s not quite feeling. “Come on, then,” she says, “I’m ready for you.”

The zombie charges.

It’s a difficult battle in a series of difficult battles, and Beau thinks by now it’s safe to say the Nein have the shittiest luck of anyone she knows. They went down the mine shaft about three hours ago, thinking it seemed like a standard job – something is killing off miners, go and fix it – but then their human rogue guide had gotten himself sliced apart the moment trouble first reared its ugly head, the mines behind them had been collapsed, and their enemy had proven themselves to be a necromancing lich wih a grudge. About two rounds in he'd converted their now undead rogue guide, who had a nasty habit of avoiding even Caduceus’s keen eyes by going invisible and striking with his long, curved blades. Worse yet, the two had amassed a fucking army of undead miners, villagers, giant spiders and whatever else they had gotten their slimy paws on, and done their utmost to drive the Nein apart in the maze of tunnels –

It’s a clusterfuck, and Beau’s not sure how they’re going to make it out intact.

Beau strikes another of the undead with her staff and flips to avoid an attack. Jester’s pink and green magic shimmers past her and takes another of the undead down. Yasha’s roars echo down the tunnel from somewhere out of sight, where the undead miners have swarmed around her in an attempt to take her down. Fjord is somewhere over to Beau’s right, driven down another shaft by the spiders and every now and then she can see the light from his blade flash by.

There is no time to think, or pause. There is only the fight and the need for survival, no matter what the cost. She’s been trying to keep an eye on Caleb and Caduceus, who are rotten at close combat, but Cad’s gone after Fjord and Caleb’s turned himself invisible, his presence betrayed only by the bolts of fire that occasionally whizz past Beau’s head. She tries to keep track of him with the tiny part of her brain that’s not occupied by bashing zombie heads but it’s difficult and after a while she gives up.

Beau hasn’t lost hope yet. She thinks perhaps they are finally starting to make headway and cutting down more than the necromancer can raise. Nott’s landed a couple of bolts in the enemy rogue’s back during the rare few moments he left an opening, and the necromancer himself is busier shielding himself from Caleb’s attacks than actually fighting. They’ve faced worse odds.

If any of her friends go down, though, it would be really fucking hard for the clerics to get to them in time.

To their left, the wall breaks open and more of the zombies come swarming in. Beau thinks they were people once, but now soft hands have grown claws and their jaws have broken open to reveal fangs. The creatures are emaciated, with thick bony joints and their skin stretched thinly across the ribs. Their movement is quick and jerky and _fast,_ sending Beau’s heart racing in her chest. They’re going to swarm her –

“Beauregard, duck!” A voice cries out, and a small glowing bead whizzes past her towards the creatures. Beau whirls and swan dives away. For a fraction of a second she sees Caleb on the other side of the tunnel, bleeding from multiple wounds but about to blow those fucking assholes back to the abyss, _hell yeah_. Behind her, the little glowing bead expands and bursts. For a moment all Beau knows is heat and sound as the blast rocks through her, but she’s flat on the ground and completely unhurt. The creatures scream and when she scrambles back to her feet, she sees their grisly outlines jerking amidst the flames.

 _Fuck_.

If she ever dies in battle, let it be quicker than that.

Still. Needs must, and those things were undead anyway. She grins and goes to finish off the few undead his attack left standing. They sway on their feet, their features burned off and their limbs shaking too much to reach her. Finishing them off is easy.

Finally, there are only a handful of zombies left, as well as the rogue and, somewhere down in the tunnels, the necromancer. Beau doesn’t see him when she turns to look, and assumes he’s gone after the rest of her friends. She wants to go, but that would mean leaving only Caleb and Nott to defeat the rogue. Beau grits her teeth, and hopes her friends will manage.

Somewhere behind her, Nott gives a panicked cry and Beau turns to see the enemy rogue slashing the goblin down her front. Nott twists to dodge the worst of the blow but Caleb’s right behind her, no longer invisible, kneeling in the dirt and not moving. Staring.

“Caleb!” Nott cries, still in that panicked voice, and leaps into the path of the enemy rogue once more. Caleb doesn’t move. Nott shoots her crossbow, misses, and is backhanded halfway across the room. Her little body smacks against the wall.

 _Caleb doesn’t move_. He’s still staring at some point behind Beau. Beau’s heart thunders furiously in her chest and fucking hell if Nott just got herself killed because Caleb couldn’t bring himself to fucking move –

 _– or if he couldn’t move_ – Beau thinks, and it clicks.

Oh, _shit, fuck – “CALEB!”_ Beau cries out, but there’s no fucking point because he’s still staring at the charred corpses behind her and fuck fuck fuck he’s not being a coward all, he’s fucking blacking out mid-battle –

The enemy rogue towers over Caleb and tilts his head curiously. Softly hits the side of Caleb’s skull with a hand. No fucking response. Beau is moving as fast as she can, preparing for a stunning strike but she already knows she won’t make it in time. The rogue flicks Nott’s blood off his wickedly curved blades and fucking –

* * *

Caleb’s away again. It happens sometimes. He’s not scared, exactly – it’s like an absence of feeling. But he doesn’t really exist, like the clouds are back in his head. There’s a comfort to this nonexistence, to just not being himself for a little bit, and he thinks he might just stay here for a little bit longer –

Bren doesn’t know where he is, but it smells like home. That specific blend of timber and straw. He thinks he hears his mother’s chalk scratching away at her writing slate. She is good with letters. Sometimes, after a poor harvest she will teach them to children whose parents have a bit of coin left. She is smart like that, his _mutti_.

He’s not as scared, in this place. It doesn’t feel so dangerous. _Mutti_ sits in the corner, tired from work. Vati will have furlong soon, and come to celebrate _Weihnachten_. It’ll be good. Bren is looking forward to it. _Mutti_ is so smart. _Vati_ is so dependable. The house feels safe. It should feel safe. It once felt safe. Bren feels flames licking up his ankles and thinks, this house does not exist. This time no longer exists. Bren is no longer –

Caleb is –

Caleb –

Caleb doesn’t know where he is. He thinks he hears screams, but he doesn’t see anyone. The air is filled with smoke and ash. He tastes burning flesh on his tongue. His chest aches. He can’t _breathe_. He can’t even seem to think. Where is his mother? Where is – no, she is _dead_ , where is _Nott_ , where are the _Nein –_

Caleb sits in his dome. His friends are there, by his side. They are smiling and talking. He cannot hear their voices, but they feel safe. He feels safe. This is good, so much better than clouds. Here he does not have parents to ache for. Here, there is no fire. There is never any fire. He sits, and sits, and breathes. This is fine. This is good. This is safe.

This is –

The blade, when it comes, tears through his sternum and out through his back.

* * *

_– drives_ them through Caleb’s torso. Caleb gasps and Beau sees him blink, sees the fucking confusion on his face, and _this is not fucking fair don’t let this happen_ please –

He forgot he was fighting. He forgot, or zoned out, or whatever the fuck happens in that head of his when he goes away like that, and today it’s going to get him killed. His face is already as white as sheet before the blade has been pulled out and way, way too much blood starts running down his chest.

Beau screams out in fucking fury and lands the best stunning strike of her fucking _life_ on the enemy rogue _, right_ in the nerve she needs to hit, and then there’s a wet _thunk_ as one of Nott’s bolts sinks into the rogue’s eye socket. He stands for just a moment longer before the magic leaves him and he falls to the ground.

There’s a brief moment where she meets Nott’s eyes across the room, the little goblin swaying on her feet but _alive_. Then, Caleb chokes out a soft, “ _Was..?”_

Nott’s already screaming Caleb’s name and a second later they’re both by his side. He’s still alive, somehow, staring at his bloodied hand with utter confusion. He’s gasping for air that won’t come, because the blood pouring from his chest is bubbling up pink and that means his lungs are fucking ruined and bleeding out air.

 _“Shit shit shit,_ ” Beau says, and pushes her hands over the wound. Not that there’s a point, when he’s also bleeding into his chest and out of his back, but she has to try _something_.

“Nott,” she says, and her voice sounds hoarse to her own ears, “go get Jester, or Caduceus. _Now_.”

Nott looks like she’s about to hyperventilate but they’ve been in deep shit before, and after a momentary hesitation she darts away, shooting down a few more undead as she goes.

Beau turns back to Caleb. His blood feel sickly hot and sticky on her hands and she wishes she wasn’t so fucking familiar with the way it feels. “Caleb. Can you hear me **?** ”

His dazed eyes find hers. “Beau? What – I missed a moment –“ his body spasms and his words cut off.

“Don’t talk,” Beau orders, even as fear runs down her spine. He’s so pale. Do they have any diamonds left? She can’t fucking remember. “Don’t talk, just hang on. You went away again, didn’t you? After you threw that fireball?”

He frowns, nods.

“Okay, okay,” Beau says, panicking. “That happens, right? We know that happens. It’s just never happened like this before.”

She never considered that it might. He’d only ever zoned out after battle. Not like this. Never like this. She sees the fear in his eyes. Her heart’s in her fucking throat. She feels sick.

Caleb swallows with visible difficulty. “I went away,” he repeats dumbly. Beau’s not sure he’s fully come back.

“But it’s going to be okay,” Beau tries. “It’s going to be okay. Just try to hang on.”

Caleb manages to nod, somehow. Another spasm runs through his body and he keens in pain. He’s panting by the time it stops. “I’m – not sure I can,” he manages.

“No, no, you can. Jester will be here in a moment. She’ll get you right back up.”

She watches Caleb swallow, sees the terror in his eyes. “Beauregard, don’t… Go,” he chokes out, and he looks terrified.

Beau’s hands shake and she feels almost feverish as adrenaline pumps through her veins. She loves her friends, her found family, and although she and Caleb had a rocky start he is _family_ now, her brother in a way the little boy who has replaced her in Kamordah isn’t, hasn’t gotten the chance to be because of their parents, and _fuck she doesn’t want to lose another brother_. Especially not like this, she thinks, a little hysterically. Sixteen years since his parents died, since Ikithon’s torture and conditioning, but he still feels the effects strongly enough that it can get him killed. Sixteen years, and it can still wash his mind away, no matter his circumstances. It feels like a fucking betrayal, all of this, that he should be hurt because his own mind stopped working the way it should for a moment. Beau spends a few seconds thinking of how much she fucking hates Trent Ikithon as her friend fades away before her eyes.

“C’mon, man,” she says, and shifts Caleb so he’s half in her lap, her other hand now on the exit wound on his back. He’s heavy when he’s dying. “I won’t go. Come on, Caleb. You’ve got this.”

His lips crack into a smile but she senses his disbelief. “Stupid way… To die,” he chokes.

His breathing is getting weaker. His heartbeat has gone from jackrabbit fast to slow and sluggish. Not long now. His eyes lose their focus. He doesn’t have the strength for words.

“C’mon,” Beau slaps his cheek. “Caleb. Bren. I’m not leaving. Hey. _Bren_.”

Caleb sighs one last time, and dies.

Beau has seen it happen to her friends before. First Molly, poor Molly, long before diamonds and Caduceus’ Wild Mother. Then Caduceus himself, crumpled to the ground and charred from head to toe. Nott, small and fragile and seemingly unharmed as Caleb carried her out of the prison.

Beau’s seen it before.

She can’t get used to it. His blue eyes are empty and she fucking hates it.

She doesn’t realize she’s crying until she looks up at the remains of the battle and finds her vision is blurred. Her chest fucking aches. She tightens her grip on Caleb, fingers clutching at his clothes.

The sound of fighting is coming closer. She sees Yasha first, slaying one undead after the other and splattered with the black blood of the necromancer, which explains why no one’s tried to attack Beau in the last minute or so. Next is Fjord, who catches sight of Beau first and Caleb second. Beau recognizes the moment he realizes what’s happened, and holds on to Caleb just a little bit tighter as Fjord goes pale.

“Fjord, the clerics,” Beau says. “We have less than a minute.” She hardly recognizes her voice. Her throat is clenched tight with anxiety. One minute. Just. One minute.

“Right, right,” Fjord says, pale as a sheet, and turns around to call out for them.

Yasha drops the last enemy in the nearby tunnel. Her heaving shoulders begin to slow, and steadily the fury on her face fades until a more familiar softness takes its place. “Is he..?”

Beau nods. “We don’t have long,” she repeats.

Yasha nods, and kneels by Beau’s side. She touches one hand to Caleb’s knee, then pulls it back and places it on Beau’s shoulder. “It’ll be okay,” she says. “They’ll be here soon.”

“I hear them,” Fjord says. “Jester, hurry!”

Jester appears a heartbeat later, followed by Caduceus and Nott.

“There, right there –“ Nott shouts. She points at Beau and suddenly cuts off. “Oh, no no no no, Caleb, no.” Her luminous eyes fill with tears and she comes scrambling through the tunnel, half stumbling as she goes. She settles on Beau’s other side and grabs one of Caleb’s hands tightly. “Jessie, Jessie, quickly! He’s dead, don’t let him be dead.”

Jester doesn’t hesitate, and that in itself is almost as sad as Caleb blacking out midbattle – dear, sweet Jester is getting used to bringing her friends back from the dead. Jester runs over, fumbling for a diamond all the way, and lands on her knees next to Beau.

“How long?” Jester asks.

“Forty seconds,” Beau finds herself saying, surprising herself; she hadn’t realized she was counting.

Jester sucks in a breath and bites down her lip. Three more seconds, and the diamond lies on Caleb’s chest.

“Traveler, please, help our wizard find his way back to us,” Jester breathes, and for a moment the world falls still. They wait. Jester’s brows furrow deeply. Beau can’t breathe.

Then, the diamond flares a bright orange and Caleb’s ruined lungs once again suck in air.

“Oh, _thank you_ ,” Jester cries out, and a second later Cure Wounds starts knitting Caleb’s skin and bones back together.

His eyes flutter open. For a moment he just stares up, saying nothing. “Oh,” he says. “I was dead.”

And finally, finally, Beau can breathe again. She chokes out a laugh and leans back against the tunnel wall behind her. She curses, loudly and colorfully. Then she grins, and wipes the tears from her eyes. “Jester, thank you,” she says, because words can’t begin to describe her gratitude for Jester right now. Jester, beautiful Jester, forever sharing her miracles.

Jester’s eyes twinkle as she wipes away tears of her own. “It’s my job!” She chirps, but the joy in her voice sounds fake. “And Caleb – what were you thinking, dying in a place like this, while we were all far away?” Her voice goes from cheerful to worried to scared. Her face falls and the tears she had just wiped away make a reappearance. “You guys, we can’t lose each other in fights like these.”

“I am sorry,” Caleb says. He blinks up at Beau, eyes wide and fearful, and suddenly all she can think of is that she lost sight of him, in the fight. That would’ve been okay, if he were anyone else.

But he’s not. He’s Caleb, whose mind sometimes drifts away mid-battle.

She gets really fucking angry.

“No. It’s my fault,” she says, cutting him off. “Nott realized what was happening, but I didn’t. I should have. I’ve seen you do it a dozen times before but still I didn’t – I didn’t –”

“Beau,” Fjord begins carefully. “I’m sure whatever happened wasn’t your fault.”

“Well, he fucking blacked out again, didn’t he?” Beau says harshly, and sees Caleb flinch. “And I know that shit happens to you,” she pokes his uninjured shoulder, “but I got complacent and you fucking died.”

“Blacked out?” Jester asks, her voice small. “You mean…”

“I mean when he burns people up and his brain turns off for a bit,” Beau says harshly. “Because he can’t – you can’t…”

“Beauregard. Please, don’t,” Caleb begins, anguished.

“But we never talk about that, right?” She cuts him off. “Even though it could so easily get you killed. Which it did, today.” From the corner of her eye, she sees understanding dawn on Jester and Caduceus’s faces. Jester looks horrified. Caduceus looks unsurprised, and sad.

“Then it’s my fault, too,” Nott says. “Because I didn’t notice it in time, either.”

“Nott,” Caleb says, pleading.

Nott’s huge eyes still shimmer with tears. “Beau is right, Caleb. We can’t pretend it doesn’t happen, or hope it goes away. It’s not going to. And I’m sorry that I didn’t notice that. Or that, maybe, I didn’t want to.” She leans forward and Beau notices she’s still holding Caleb’s hand and rubbing circles across the back.

Caleb starts shaking his head. “No – it’s no one’s fault but my own. Please, do not apologize.”

“Bullshit. We all know _whose_ fault it is,” Beau says, before she can stop herself. She looks away so she no longer has to see Caleb’s anguished expression. “But we’re the ones who stopped looking out for you.”

Nott makes a pained little sound.

Caleb’s breathing sounds labored.“No – I’m a grown man. I should be able to look out for myself,” he says, and pulls at his bloodied clothes with a look of disgust. He’s still wheezing, just loudly enough to be audible.

Caduceus kneels down by Caleb’s feet and places a large, furred hand on his shin. The hand glows green and Caleb’s breathing eases a little further.

“I don’t think I have the whole story here,” Caduceus says slowly, “but it seems to me no one is at fault for the mind’s involuntary response to trauma.” His eyes glance from Beau to Caleb to Nott knowingly, and Beau is pretty sure he’s figured out they know more of Caleb’s story than he does. He can read people like no one she's ever met, and right now Beau is pretty sure her hatred for Trent Ikithon could be sensed all the way from Tal'Dorei.

“It’s – I can’t –“ Caleb pants. “I can’t stop it.” The weight of his body lifts as he pulls his hand free from Nott's and hunches forward, able to move more freely again now that his rib cage is once more in a single piece.. When Beau looks, his bangs obscure his face from view. She's pretty sure it's on purpose.

“We know that. We all know that. No one thinks that it’s your fault,” Jester says, with a puzzled frown. “It’s pretty gross, you know, watching someone burn? So of course, you don’t like it…” She trails off when Beau shakes her head.

Caleb hunches in on himself a little further.

“I think, perhaps, it’s a little bit more complicated than that,” Yasha offers gently, and sinks to the ground in their haphazard little circle around Caleb. “But regardless, we know that it happens.”

Fjord’s the only one left standing for a moment, until an almost comical expression of realization passes over his face and he sits between Yasha and Caduceus. He sniffs and wipes away blood from under his nose. “I don’t know the whole story either, but I figure whatever happened to you was bad for it to still be putting you through so much pain. Right here and now, though, Beau is right. What matters is that we look out for you when you do black out,” Fjord offers. He keeps his voice gentle and warm, which Beau really fucking appreciates. Her own heart is still hammering away from adrenaline and fear.

“It was. Bad,” Caleb says, muffling his voice with his knees.“But that doesn’t matter. You shouldn’t have to look out for me like I’m some _child_.”

Pretty much all of the Nein raise their voices to protest, and Caleb finally looks up to notice their little circle. His eyebrows rise and Beau catches a brief flicker of bone deep _hurt_ in his eyes before he pushes whatever that is back down again. He blinks furiously, and turns his wet eyes away from the group.

“No, Caleb, that’s not what we’re trying to say _at all_ ,” Jester pleads. She grabs Caleb’s other hand and holds it up. “It doesn’t matter that you black out – well, _it does_ , but we just want to help you when you do, and make sure someone is there to defend you if it happens in battle. We feel terrible for letting it happen today,” she finishes, barely holding back fresh tears.

Caleb watches her numbly for a moment, as though unable to comprehend why she should cry. Knowing him, he probably _doesn’t_ get it, poor bastard. Something in Beau’s chest twists.

“Caleb, you are a grown man and normally you can take care of yourself perfectly well. We all know that. In battle, however, we all need someone to watch our backs. We all have our weaknesses,” Caduceus says reasonably. “And fortunately, we know what triggers yours.”

Caleb flinches. Despite herself, Beau’s temper rises.

“We’re telling you it’s not your fault, you asshole,” Beau says gruffly. She leans back against the tunnel wall and crosses her arms over her chest when Caleb turns to look at her. “So stop blaming yourself. Just accept the fucking apology.”

Which isn’t what she meant to say at all, of course, but Caleb doesn’t always bring out the best in her and fuck her hands are still shaking, just a little.

Fjord is a reliable Beau-translator, though, and picks up on the truth. “I think what Beau is trying to say is that we’re worried about you, and want to help you with this,” he says, in his most diplomatic voice. “There’s no need to blame anyone.”

Beau gestures helplessly. Not for the first time, she wishes she were better at _talking_. As it is, she can barely stand to look at Caleb. “Yeah. That. I’m sorry I forgot. I should’ve remembered when you cast fireball to check whether you were okay. We’re teammates. And you’re – you’re my friend,” she shrugs, going for nonchalant and failing terribly. “One of the best friends I’ve ever had. I look out for my friends.”

Caleb’s face does something complicated and he nods. Beau thinks it might be gratitude she sees.

“As for the rest of your self-blame,” she says, before she can stop herself, “I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again: I don’t think your story is anything to be ashamed of. And I don’t think it’s fully your fault, either. The blackout shit definitely isn’t. So, yeah.”

She ignores the curious eyes of her friends to look at Nott instead. The goblin is nodding encouragingly and has managed to grab hold of Caleb’s free hand again so that he’s in a funny little daisy chain between Nott and Jester.

“We’ll be here, even if you can’t forgive yourself,” Nott says, fiercely loyal as always. “I told you that before, too.”

Caleb looks between the two of them and his head drops again, but this time for another reason. It slowly registers that he’s crying. Beau forces herself not to look away. It seems important that she doesn’t.

“You two… I don’t understand your loyalty, but… Thank you,” Caleb says. “Just. Thank you.”

Beau’s not too proud to let a few tears run down her own cheeks. Today’s been a lot. She smiles. “What’s family for, right?”

“Perhaps we can think of something like the buddy system to look after Mr. Caleb during battle a little bit better,” Caduceus suggests, pushing back onto his feet. “So there will always be someone to give a shout if things go south.”

“Oh, what if, what if, every time you fight Frumpkin sits on your shoulder and meows when you blackout,” Jester suggests, some of her usual cheer coloring her voice again.

“I don’t think I would hear it, over my screaming,” Yasha says worriedly.

Nott chuckles as she wipes away her tears and Beau’s own smile widens. Slowly, the adrenaline begins to fade.

“Ja, I don’t think that would work very well,” Caleb says, lifting his head at last. His eyes are red but there’s a faint smile around his lips. “One blow and he would be gone, and then what?”

“If you weren’t such an easy target I would sit on your shoulders, Caleb,” Nott says loyally.

“I’m sure we could think of a better system than that,” Fjord protests.

“We could use Sprinkles. He’ll survive _anything_ ,” Jester says, and the discussion devolves from there. No truly practical solutions are offered, but Beau has a feeling that whenever Caleb starts throwing fire around next, plenty of eyes will be watching. The group heave themselves up unto tired legs and starts towards the exit.

Beau pulls Caleb up by his arm and briefly holds it. She gives him an awkward pat on the shoulder. “Glad you’re still here,” she says gruffly. “Or, here again.”

Their eyes meet, and he manages a smile. “Thanks for not leaving,” he says.

Beau shrugs and lets go of him. She doesn’t know where to look. “ ’Course. I meant what I said. I’m not just gonna let you fall.”

She’s rewarded with another smile, more genuine than the ones from before. It makes her feel like she’s done something good, for once.

“Ja, I’m starting to get that,” Caleb says, and bumps his shoulder into hers as he passes her to follow the group. He’s limping a little, but his shoulders seem straighter.

Beau grins, and catches up with her family. First they need to get out of the tunnels. After that, well.

There will be more storms to face. They’ll figure something out.

**Author's Note:**

> There's nothing to do right now but try  
> There are a hundred people who will listen to you cry  
> And I get that they don't get it  
> But they love you so much that you won't regret it
> 
> \- secret for the mad, by dodie.
> 
> Surround yourself with good people, friends. And maybe drop a comment if you liked it.
> 
> Maybe check out https://archiveofourown.org/works/20668355?show_comments=true if you liked Beau & Caleb bonding.


End file.
